Co-creating Communities of Belonging
A conversation with Jessica von Farkas
It appears that in these times of great unrest and uncertainty, we are ever more seeking to escape the lonesomeness that often stems from being an individual living in a highly individualist society. We have an innate desire to be in communities that accept us for who we are and what we value. Acknowledging that the poly-crisis is too much to hold alone, we try to find the others to create meaningful change together.
In anticipation of her workshop at We Create Meaning, I spoke with Jessica von Farkas about what it means to belong in today’s world. We dive deeper into her mission and experience cultivating diverse communities of belonging through her work at the BMW Foundation and beyond.
The views expressed in this article are personal and do not reflect the views of the BMW Foundation.
What does belonging mean to you?
“Belonging means the longing to be. I think that to be is a very organic thing because sometimes we’re so focused on our cognitive, brainy, or rational side, that we forget that we are also energy and we are planetary beings. And to me, belonging means really allowing yourself to be that expression of whatever it means to be a planetary being. To be wholesome. To be you…. To belong, also means to recognize our interdependence as planetary beings to each other, and to earth. This thought comes from the Zulu phrase and is rooted in African philosophy: “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu”, A person is a person through other people. This phrase emphasized the humanist African philosophy, where the idea of community is a prerequisite of societies. To belong is something more cosmic or universal than a momentarily and fixed state or result… And I think the complication arises when you start othering. When you try to fit it, and to define yourself only by a certain group, you're othering yourself from fellow human beings.”
I think Jessica speaks to a deeper truth reminiscent of the words of the late philosopher John O’Donohue who wrote: “The longing in the human soul makes it impossible for us ever to fully belong to any place, system or project. We are involved passionately in the world, yet there is nothing here that can claim us completely… The sacred duty of being an individual is to gradually learn how to live so as to awaken the eternal within you. Our of ways belonging in the world should never be restricted to or fixated on one kind of belonging that remains stagnant. If you listen to the voices of your own longing they will constantly call you to diverse styles of belonging which are new and energetic and mirror the complexity of your life as you deepen and intensify your presence on earth.”
Belonging is not an end station you arrive at, but a quest of self-discovery that is never fully completed. We experience and express our belonging differently and in ever-new ways.
“The heart wants to connect, and the head wants to be right”
In which moments do we most feel our sense of belonging is compromised? We talked about the tension we often experience when, for example, a family member or friend says things or acts out in ways that go against our beliefs or moral values. When this occurs, how do we stay in relationship with the people we love but profoundly disagree with? With this question in mind, Jessica consulted john a. powell, founder of the Othering and Belonging Institute. Powell suggests agreeing to be in disagreement, but not disengaging from the relationship and the experiences that we share with one another. “So, I can still say, this is my uncle and I love you with all my heart, and we share these moments, and yet I profoundly disagree with what you’re saying.” Referring to powell’s beautiful quote “The heart wants to connect, and the head wants to be right”, Jessica expands that you don’t have to choose between one or the other. “We want to be right as much as our hearts want to connect with each other. Both can be reconciled in our full human experience and can co-exist at the same time.”
In times when conversations become increasingly polarized, this is a powerful teaching. You can agree to disagree yet still appreciate the human being that lives behind walls of opinions and beliefs. To stay in relationship and not dehumanize them. This, I believe, is how we heal the story of separation and form unexpected allies.
When have you experienced profound moments of belonging?
“More than being in a group where I agree with everyone, I feel a profound sense of belonging when I am seeing all the significant differences in a room or space, and appreciating the people around me and the experience of feeling this sense of unity, which is quite rare to feel for me… Where I really witnessed this was at a retreat in 2019. We were about 50 people and there were so many disagreements in the room, so many ups and downs that were still not resolved. But then at some point, you know, there was just the sunset and I could just see everyone being together, laughing and dancing. And it doesn’t mean that those disagreements weren't there, but we were all appreciating each other as fellow humans in that moment. For me, it was just this feeling of expansion and possibilities. It's a rare feeling and a deeply touching one — something to work towards.”
I think Jessica alludes to something beautiful, that art and specifically music have the potential to weave us together into resonant unity. Music becomes a performative act of love that even so briefly transcends our opinions, our backgrounds, and individual boundaries.
Listen to another memorable moment of Belonging that Jessica experienced in her work with the BMW Foundation
Belonging in times of ecological crisis
I think that there are two emerging dynamics that will continue to influence our sense of belonging. For one, we live by stories and stories live through us. They are the social technology through which we make sense of the world and give meaning to our lived experiences. We find ourselves at a crossroads where our cultural stories are no longer able to narrate the totality and complexity of the world and how to navigate through it. People are seeking out new stories that hold their identity and guide them through the challenging times we’re in.
At the same time, people and trees are on the move as a result of the ecological crisis. The places we once knew are disappearing and species are going extinct. When entire populations are displaced from their homelands, so are the stories that connect them to their land. How will this shift our sense of belonging?
Jessica pointed out the difference between choosing to move and being forced to move and the privilege she has in “living the decision of possibilities”. As a daughter of Mexican-German parents and spouse to a Colombian born to Peruvian parents, she defines herself by an essence that calls our planet home rather than one specific place. “My capacity of feeling home is more related to the people that are around me and the social relationships that I have. I think in the end it's about relationships, right? And maybe it's really about what type of relationships are we able to build and nourish.”
Belonging is a homecoming, founded on the strength and reliability of the relationships that nurture us, and we nurture in turn.
“I think this is where the question of belonging will go because I think it's pretty certain, without wanting to sound too pessimistic on a sunny Friday evening, that we are the beginning of witnessing changes that we can't even imagine and that will be very scary. And at the same time, they will become very normal for us very quickly, because sadly it's going to be our day-to-day. But these changes will look very different for different people. I don't think that our institutions and our systems are built for that right now. It will take a massive effort and I think that it is probably one of the biggest questions for humanity today.”
Aware of our predicament, how do we come together to harbor the changes yet to come and take aligned action?
“I really like to speak about belonging and not inclusion because inclusion means I am including you, but there is still a component of power imbalance, and I can take that inclusion away from you at any time.”
Building Community is hard work, and it starts with a shared purpose
We ended our conversation by talking about what it means to create diverse communities of belonging. Jessica reminded me that “A community is really about standing behind a shared purpose. It’s about feeling the responsibility for one another in the space and for the bigger, collective good. And I think that's not easy when you acknowledge that you have a diverse group where people are also situated socially in different places of power, and they might not necessarily feel as safe or as seen to step fully into that space. We always speak about having diverse groups or diverse communities and whatnot, but you must actively observe power and understand how to build so that people really feel that sense of belonging and really feel welcomed. And I really like to speak about belonging and not inclusion because inclusion means I am including you, but there is still a component of power imbalance, and I can take that inclusion away from you at any time. Inclusion to me tends to imply that there are people on the inside, that include others who are situated on the outside.” Organizing for diversity is not about mere representation— it’s an ongoing process that requires hard work. “Having diversity”, Jessica continues, “will also mean that you need to hold space for different human experiences and realities, and you need to understand how to build conditions that foster equity and belonging for all members of the community. So I think it's a very honest question: Are you ready to do the work? Because it's a lot of work. It's emotional work. It's being open, being in a constant learning position.”
Listening to Jessica, I notice that there is a deep undercurrent of devotion and care running beneath her words. She radiates a commitment to be vulnerable, to admit that creating community is a co-creative process, not a fixed outcome, that requires responsibility and a willingness to learn.
If you enjoyed this conversation, please join us in the We Space on July 19 for Jessica’s community event about communities of belonging.
Resources for inspiration
https://belonging.berkeley.edu/john-powell-keynote-mechanisms-othering
Adrienne Maree Brown: Emergent Strategy
https://twentythirty.com/article/bayo-akomolafe-on-listening-to-the-noise-and-leading-through-play/